The joys of the English language
Words are often laden with baggage and assumptions that fall far from the original usage of the word. Now multiply that by X when a particular discipline assigns a definition that is precise and possibly outside of the day to day meaning of the word.
What is Feeling anyway?
Yesterday I was talking to a man with a preference for Thinking and a woman with a preference for Feeling. A couple of misconceptions surfaced during our conversation. The first is that men have a Thinking preference and that women are the ones with a Feeling preference. The short answer to that assumption is NOT TRUE. I will save my longer answer for another post.
The second thing that I became aware of is how easily we slipped into talking about an emotional reaction that someone had to a specific situation and equating that to the preference for Feeling.
In the MBTI, Feeling is one of two ways of making decisions. People with a preference for Feeling base their decisions primarily on values and on subjective evaluation of person-centered concerns. On the other hand, those with a preference for Thinking base their decisions on logic and objective analysis of cause and effect. Both are valuable ways of making a decision. Period. One is not better than the other and the best decisions reflect both functions. You can read more about the characteristics of these two function preferences here.
Thinkers have feelings and vice-versa
It seems easy to slip from the purity of the definition to include other things that the word itself suggests. When we are talking about Feeling in the context of MBTI it refers solely to making decisions. It does not refer to how we react to events in an emotional manner. When we are talking about “having feelings” both thinkers and feelers feel. Feeling is indeed a rational function. Making decisions based on values requires applying the laws of reason. Those with a preference for Feeling can also be rational, logical and analytical.
Believe me when I say that, as a person with a preference for Feeling, I can also have a strong negative reaction to inappropriate displays of emotion – especially when someone appears “needy”. This isn’t something reserved for those with a Thinking preference. Emoting and affect simply isn’t what Feeling refers to in an MBTI context. I have also experience genuine compassion, care and understanding from Thinking types… more so at times than I could ever offer.
Check your interpretations at the door
These interpretations happen all the time not just with the Myers Briggs. Becoming aware of the assumptions that we are operating under is an ongoing journey. Please don’t confuse being “emotional” or being “needy” with having a preference for Feeling. It helps to go back to the definition as used in the context of the Myers Briggs and not muddy the waters.
Do you have emotions or do emotions have you?