The close to frosty temperatures on this Canadian holiday long weekend changed our plans from a trip to cottage country aka huddling by the fireplace and plaid jackets to taking advantage of city living. Kensington Market is a one of a kind Toronto experience – bustle, hustle and grit. You can find everything here from live chickens, vintage clothing and food from every nation under the sun. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea but my little Extraverted soul felt ALIVE and loving it on our Sunday morning visit for brunch. This clip will give you a sense of the environment. Have a peek and then I will list my top 5 reasons for Extraverted bliss.
Extraverted Bliss
Stimulating – I am currently catching up on bookkeeping tasks (long overdue) and I was running out of energy after being chained to my desk for two days. When we decided to go to Kensington for brunch, the sights, sounds and people brought me back to life. Now, I am re-energized enough to be a spreadsheet genius.
Nurturing – We went to Wanda’s Pie in the Sky – a warm, funky, neighbourhood open kitchen where we sat at a big communal table filled with a stack of current papers from the NY Times to the local community paper. The food was fresh, beautiful to look at and full of soul.
Engaging – There were lots of regulars in the crowd at Wanda’s greeting each other and engaging in pleasant banter with the staff. The staff, by the way, were engaged in their work offering friendly service. The owner, Wanda, who we happen to know professionally, was there and came out to greet us. She knows how to create an ambiance that makes people feel at home.
Connecting – A couple sat down beside us and I couldn’t resist commenting on the simply gorgeous bowl of brilliant green fiddleheads, snowpeas and green beans. She responded warmly graciously and politely while he insisted enthusiastlically that my husband and I have a taste. All I can say is YUM.
Exploring – There we sat two couples and in each pair one with Extraverted behaviours and one with a seeming preference for Introversion. We were strangers for 30 seconds. My new friend Francesco and I discovered in our 20 minute conversation that we both paint, that he designed the artwork for Wanda’s business, that he was born into a family of cooks (in a trattoria in southern Italy), that the lovely Caterina is from Florence and is a Textile Conservator, that we have both used coffee in our paintings (yes, you read that correctly – coffee), that his sister has one of the best Italian restaurants in the city. We found many threads in common and had a truly lively fully invigorating conversation.
The SO WHAT of this Extraverted Moment:
All of us need to remember to put gas in the tank regularly – Extraverts do it through external stimuli not just through people.
It is important to celebrate our gifts. Many Extraverts have the gift of connecting with others and are natural networkers. My sense is that we could have sat beside Francesco and Caterina and never discovered one thing about them let alone their names. I am grateful for the many opportunities to make new discoveries that my Extraverted ways have brought me.
We need each other to balance the equation. I also sense that while we all seemed to enjoy our conversation on this occasion, there are an equal number of times that I benefit from the calm and grounded reflective energy that Introverts bring to the table.
As always be wary of “one size fits all” solutions. The best answers are ones that fit your needs and motivational strategies. Here are my top five tips I use to manage my own ENFP procrastination. Please use any that resonate with you and most definitely figure out what really works best for you.
I create what I call “forcing mechanisms” with a solid deadline. An example of this includes registering for art shows. If left to my own devises without a specific goal for artistic endeavours, I would do more thinking about painting than actual painting. Signing up for a show several months before a “set in stone” date helps galvanize me into action. I can visualize the space where I will hang my paintings, and what I want to work on so that the whole show hangs together. It is fun and energizing to have a plan.
In certain circumstances I find someone to help me with the task or project at hand. As an extrovert having someone to talk with me through each step can be a welcome lifeline and keep me in motion. This works especially well for things such as purging files and establishing order in my office or studio.
I also use other external mechanisms to help me with accountability. When I have a regular session with a coach, a trainer, a buddy or mastermind group it is a way to get clear on my priorities and barriers to getting into action. The very act of articulating my goals and the actions I intent to take to achieve them helps to keep me on track.
For years I was addicted to lists and would visit them regularly to make sure I was crossing off enough items so that I would reach a deadline in time. My current list is 2 pages long – recently reduced from an overwhelming 4 pages.
Acknowledging the need for time to let things percolate and the sense of urgency to build helps eliminate the need to beat myself up for procrastinating. BTW This self- flagellation is a total waste of time. When I try to start early I often cannot focus or generate ideas. Over the years I have come to trust that the sudden urge to clean my desk or read a book may be just what I need to do in this moment and that tomorrow which is another day closer to the deadline will help get the seemingly requisite sense of urgency to work it’s magic and help me get on the kind of roll that only happens close to the last minute.
In this post best-selling author Seth Godin talks about the futility of trying to convince someone to think the way you do. He could have been describing the experience of expecting others with different MBTI types to see things as you see them.
What I thought was interesting was his suggestion that people do business with people who are like-minded. Of course he was talking about people who had behaviours and interests that were similar.
Maybe there is something to what he suggests. I’m not really sure what I think about this idea but I recently had an experience that might prove him right. I facilitated a day of visioning with two business owners- one had ESTJ preferences and one was ENTP. One two occasions the person who is ENTP explained an idea that I was trying to get across by making it more tangible. Maybe it isn’t a coincidence that many people who seek me out as a coach have NF, NT or SP temperament preferences. My approach is often a mis-match for SJ’s no matter how conscious I try to be about my language and pace.
While I mull this over, I am curious to hear your thoughts on the benefits of finding “like- minded” customers/clients rather than trying to adapt or getting them to see things your way?
What that means for training is cutting back on both quantity and unfortunately that often impacts the quality as well. Consultants are often willing to dance to the tune of the sponsor. “If you lower the bar and need the limbo we can do that because we want to pay the bills and because we may think that something is better than nothing”. The consultant or type practitioner sees that the client is in need of assistance. Those of us who use type tools know the benefits of understanding type, so we agree to “do what we can” within the framework that is given.
In a TypeLabs webinar Hile Rutledge of Otto Kroeger and Associates provided a bit of a wake-up call around this issue. That was not his intent but what he suggested was that a type practitioner needs to be very clear about knowing the purpose of any type training. In doing MBTI training he suggests that type practitioners need to contract to have the first training designed specifically around helping participants understand MBTI type theory well enough to make an informed decision about their “best-fit” type. That’s it – a single focus.
Then, applying type awareness to improving communication, decision making or conflict resolution for an intact team would be contracted for a second session.In the end trying to crunch introduction and application into a shorter and shorter single session timeframe doesn’t serve the client well.
The bottom line is that the type practitioner or consultant needs to be very clear about the implications of lowering the bar to limbo standards and they need to make sure that the sponsor understands exactly what outcome they can hope to achieve for each level of investment.
It is better to elevate the discussion to focus on results rather than budget alone. Anyone wanting to use type in their organization is well advised to budget for the time required to build a strong foundation and to introduce a mechanism for reinforcement in applying the knowledge.
The waltz has a 1 – 2 – 3 count and type practitioners need to take the time to present the case for quality instead of agreeing to shortcuts in a knee-jerk fashion. I understand that what I am suggesting flies in the face of current economic reality however it is important to stop and reflect on what’s required to provide a good outcome.
Without the investment of time in training and integrating into the common language of the team, the MBTI is filed at the bottom of the cabinet under MY WHAT? “Oh that was something we did last year if only I could remember what it said”
It is such a challenge to step outside of our own perceptual filters. Imagine you are a parent who believes that your preference for Judging and providing structure and organization for your family will keep them safe and on track. This is your duty as a good parent – right?
Imagine you are the teenager in this family. You have a clear preference for Perceiving and prefer to go with the flow. The emphasis and value placed on a structured life that is the hallmark of your family seems restrictive and positively boring. You know you are really responsible and that your last minute style suits how you like to work.
The juggling act that is parenting teenagers has an extra wrinkle in this family dynamic with this difference in Judging and Perceiving. Hopefully understanding each others type will pave the way for compassion. The parent’s preference for Judging is not an intentional plot to squash the teenager’s spirit, and the teenager’s preference for letting life happen rather than planning ahead does not mean that they are doomed to failure.
There are some wonderful opportunities for growth in this relationship if both individuals can stay open to learning from each other.
How do you react to the child who clings to their parent’s leg or retreats into their “shell” at Hello? In an article posted at Time.com author Susan Cain extols us not to label quiet, sensitive children as “shy”. She claims that we categorize children into 2 camps “social” and “shy” and favour those who are more out-going.
Cain points out that the label “shy” is typically a misnomer given to Introverted children. They are more sensitive to external stimuli and they will hold back to take things in before engaging. This does not mean that they are anti-social but “differently social”.
She points out the benefits of how these children approach things.
Children with an alert, sensitive temperament also pay close attention to social cues and moral principles. By age 6, they cheat and break rules less than other kids do — even when they believe they won’t be caught. At 7, they’re more likely than their peers to be described by parents and caregivers as empathetic or conscientious.
