by Sandy | Aug 10, 2018 | Best Practices
Language is imprecise. We use words to describe an image that we have in our heads and assume that other people are applying definitions that are similar to ours. This is not just true for grand concepts such as truth, justice, beauty, integrity or freedom. Next time you have dinner guests take one of these words that people use all the time and ask two questions. The first question requires a simple yes or no – “Do you know what it means?” The second is to ask everyone “What does it mean to you?”
People will generally all agree that they know what the word means in response to question #1. Then in response to question #2 you will get the same number of definitions as there are people at the dinner table. Introducing a commonly held definition may help somewhat but people are still apt to apply their own perspective.
A coaching client (ENTP) saw themselves as supportive and a team player. This was true in respect to direct reports and those in an underdog position who were deemed to be trying their best. To these people this person was a champion and would go the extra mile in a kind and compassionate manner. What the client didn’t “see” was just how differently peers were treated. People at the same level in the organization were held to a completely different set of criteria, and they were expected to be capable, efficient and effective without any need for support. The approach was “show me you are competent and you will have my respect. Otherwise stay out of my way.”
Different people in the organization had opposing opinions about this person’s character, but the overall opinion was not serving this client well because people were confused. What added to the confusion was how blind this person was to their double standard. In this person’s model of the world, it was a waste of their time being “nice” to people at their level of seniority. After all they were being paid to do an equivalent job. The end result was a handful of people saw this person as a team player and others saw them as rude.
Patrick Lencioni author of The Five Dysfunctions of a Team says that team ONE is the team that you are on not the team that you lead. With that in mind, defining oneself as a team player when the team that counts doesn’t agree is a problem. You may argue that this person was “right” that there ought to be an expectation of competence but that misses the point. Sometimes being “right” is a cold and lonely place.
by Sandy | Aug 8, 2018 | Best Practices, MBTI Facts
Imagine a work environment where everyone has their MBTI type label posted on their office door. This may strike some as just terribly efficient. But no No NO NOOOOO…this is just bad practice and a misuse of the MBTI or any other assessment tool IMHO.
People are NOT any label that you might hang on them, and this way of viewing the use of assessment tools does a disservice to everyone. MBTI professionals are very careful in their language to make the distinction. They will talking about “those with a preference for Extraversion” as opposed to “those who ARE Extraverts”. People are wonderfully complex and they definitely should not be limited by any label. People HAVE a preference – they AREN’T their preference. This distinction matters.
When you hang a sign on a door that limits possibilitites for genuine engagement. People can make all kinds of false assumptions based on too little information and misunderstanding. It is an act that separates us from each other rather than building true connection and compassion.
Knowing that someone may have a different type helps me to understand how they process information and make decisions differently from my way of being. I don’t have to take their behaviour as a problem or weird or even better than mine – simply different. If I spend some time observing myself I may even come to appreciate the benefit of how their type handles some situations where my way of processing may have blind spots.
Yes – use the MBTI to learn how to communicate with other styles. Yes – use the MBTI to find work that fits your natural ways of being. Yes – use the MBTI to learn to see and appreciate each other and to share in a way that builds trust. This approach involves real conversation about our different perspectives and a desire to learn and understand those with whom we work. Putting type labels on office doors may do the opposite – contributing to judgment and alienation. Don’t do it even if you think people will be okay with it – it may seem harmless but it isn’t.
Other folks had something to say about this too:
From Hunter Nuttal
Forcing people to post their MBTI type on their doors would surely be resisted by a lot of people. I’d like it personally, but many people freak out about being labeled.
Notice that we only mind labels when they’re negative. Face it, we couldn’t communicate without labels. We label ourselves with names and job titles, we say “I’m a motorcycle enthusiast” or “I’m a pizza lover,” we like it when people call us “smart” or “nice.”
All these labels are fine, but call someone by a label that sounds negative, and they’ll suddenly be all “Don’t label me!” As the MBTI labels are simply about our preferences, none of them are bad. It doesn’t make sense to be offended by your own preferences.
I think people resist these labels because they don’t understand them. They think that learning your type somehow limits your options, or tells you that you’re bad at something. Nonsense. Knowledge is power.
Another thing is that everyone is labeling us anyway. Remaining ignorant about our type will do nothing to protect us from peoples’ negative judgments. I’d much rather be called an INTP by someone who’s been educated about the MBTI, rather than be called “shy,” “flaky,” “heartless,” or “lazy” by uninformed people.
BTW, I’m building a list of peoples’ self-reported MBTI types. My URL points directly to that, if you want to take a look.
From Stephen
James Flaherty, in “Coaching – Evoking Excellence in Others”, points out that personality profiling leads us to expect certain behaviours from others which influences that person’s behaviour and frames our observation of that person. And these two factors, coupled with laziness leads us into one of the main hindrances of coaching, which is to understand people as a collection for fixed properties with desire attached.
In the book he proposes assessment models which he claims give form and shape to our observations without limiting the person to parameters.
The idea of putting MBTI labels on office doors is exactly what he is highlighting. It is easier to say – “She is an ISTJ” than it is to understand and formulate a view of her concerns, commitments, history, future possibilities, mood, domains of competence, Intellect, emotion, will, context and soul (to outline JF’s assessment models).
I have used MBTI in exercises with teams, allowing people to comment and draw comment on what they agree with and what they don’t. In my experience this has provided an excellent framework, for mutual understanding. In coaching however I have started using JF’s (and others’) approach. Having said that, I also know that MBTI takes us to the same understanding if we are prepared to do the hard work required to get beyond a tetragrammaton.
Sandy, what process do you build into your work to prevent the kind of response you describe in this posting?
From Me
A few things come to mind about how I work with the MBTI with people. First is that I have a commitment and intention behind my coaching practice. I believe that we do the best most fulfilling creative and sustainable work when our actions are congruent with who we are.
Tools like the MBTI and Enneagram and Reiss are mirrors to use to see a more accurate reflection. All of this happens in the context of a conversation that has a purpose behind it.
For example, any MBTI workshops that I have done as an associate of Context Management Consulting Inc. have been part of a larger strategic framework. Context works to implement strategy through ongoing Action Learning groups in cross functional teams as well as regular retreats for intact teams etc. The MBTI workshops were integrated into these retreats when appropriate and linked to a larger context.
In additon to the workshop individual coaching followed. Some of the focus integrated the Hay groups Emotional Competency Inventory and the insights from the MBTI to help deepen the learning and build capability.
Two things stand out – that the MBTI was part of a leadership development strategy – that there was both a group and individual opportunity for reflection on applying insights.
It was not delivered as a “one off” event that was entertaining or interesting. As I mentioned in my post above I am also careful with language and asking permission to share personal information during the workshop or coaching. My intention is to set the stage for people to take the risks to have a more meaningful conversation (a least that’s the plan) Creating this kind of container for good work to happen is subtle and an art form. When it happens I celebrate when it doesn’t I learn and go on.
by Sandy | Aug 1, 2018 | Best Practices
Not every organization embraces using coaches but more and more people are using coaching skills in the workplace. Both coaches and managers using coaching tools can hone their coaching skills.
During a recent conversation that was ostensibly about an upcoming presentation, I was reminded about the role that Sensing plays as a coaching capability to be developed. The person was focusing all of their energy on getting the words exactly right and in including every point. The further they went in this direction the more their posture shifted … eyes downcast, voice low and mumbling and shoulders slumped. A winning presentation would depend more about being in a resourceful “state” than getting the words perfect.
This person knew the material so well they could have written a book about it so what was the story that the body was telling?
Noticing these changes provided an opportunity to identify what was going on and to shift the focus to where it needed to be in order to get a good result.
It is easy to think that content is king and to pay all of our attention to what a person is saying. What usually matters more is focusing on being present and using sensory cues… such as breathing, changes in tonality, posture or coloring.
These changes may indicate an opening worth investigating with genuine curiosity. If we are trapped in only following the logic of the thread of what the person is saying we could miss the moment. Openings are the real royalty.
In an insightful article on coaching in organizations Michael Bungay Stanier points out the value of “just in time” laser coaching. Openings don’t take an hour to notice. Coaching is more about how you pay attention and not at all about having the answers. Call on the Sensing function to focus your attention in the moment.
by Sandy | Jul 21, 2018 | Best Practices, MBTI Facts
Psychometrics is the hub for MBTI training, certification and access to the MBTI inventory in Canada. They are the “go to” source for new information and resources. The January newsletter is an example of bringing new insights and applications to both MBTI practitioners and the business community alike. This article is copied with permission.
Dealing with Organizational Change
By Shawn Bakker Of Psychometrics
Nancy Barger and Linda Kirby have integrated type theory with William Bridges’ stages of transitions. They asked 2,000 workshop participants to respond to the following question, “What does each preference need during a time of change?” The responses provide some understanding of how people facing the same transition may have different needs.
Extraversion
Time to talk about what is going on
Involvement – they want something to do
Communication, communication, communication
To be heard – to have a voice
Action, getting on with it, keeping up the pace
Introversion
Time alone to reflect on what is happening
To be asked what they think
Thought-out, written communication and one-on-one discussion
Time to think things through before discussions and meetings
Time to assimilate change before taking action
Sensing
Real data – why is the change occurring?
Specifics about what exactly is to change
Connections between the changes and the past
Realistic pictures of the future that make plans real
Clear guidelines on expectations, roles, and responsibilities
Intuition
The overall rationale – the global realities
A general plan or direction to play around with and develop
Chances to paint a picture of the future – to create a vision
Options – a general direction, but not too much structure
Opportunities to participate in designing the future
Thinking
Clarity in the decision making and the planning
Demonstration that leadership is competent
Fairness and equitability in the changes
The logic – Why? What are the goals? What systemic changes will there be?
Feeling
Recognition of the impacts on people
Demonstration that leadership cares
Appreciation and support
Inclusion of themselves and others in the planning and implementing on change
Know how individuals’ needs will be dealt with
Judging
A clear, concise plan of action
Defined outcomes, clear goals
A clear statement of priorities
A time frame, with each stage spelled out
No more surprises!
Perceiving
An open-ended plan
The general parameters
Flexibility, with lots of options
Information and the opportunity to gather more
Loosen up, don’t panic, trust the process
Barger and Kirby provide much more information on how to deal with change in their book
The Challenge of Change in Organizations.
by Sandy | Jul 15, 2018 | Best Practices, MBTI Facts, Personal Expression
Imagine seventeen creative people in one confined 20 x 30 foot space for five days in a painting workshop exploring non-objective painting. Interestingly non-objective painting is a very personal and internal experience. My perspective on it is that you have to know who you are, know how to handle the materials and then surrender to the process – letting it flow through you. It is not for the timid or faint of heart.
Given that context, imagine the effect of people having animated (in other words LOUD) conversations about topics both trivial and profound on those engaged in this deeply challenging process and then consider what that might be like for an Introvert.
Here is my observation of 3 Introverts and how they coped in this scenario.
Introvert #1
This person was the only person who actually disclosed their type as INFP. They must have been out of preference in one area on the Extraverted side because they were a “frequent talker” and one of the more vociferous people in the group. How did they handle their need for Introversion? At some point earlier in the day than most, they were simply DONE for the day. Their energy had run out and they left the workshop early in order to refresh or regroup for the next day.
Introvert #2
As well as there being an on-going flow of conversation, there was also music which was mostly jazz or classical. One person was really suffereing as a result of all the external stimulation, but didn’t say anything until Day 4 when they simply couldn’t take it anymore and made a request to the teacher to ask for quiet. Unfortunately for them that was only a temporary respite as people slowly returned to their chatter. I was close enough to hear the moans of frustration that quietly punctuated the air – more like commas or parenthesis than exclamation marks. A second request for quiet was never made.
Introvert #3
This person had a whole strategy in place. They chose a workspace that was at the end of the row of tables closet to the open unused space and facing a wall. They also had an ipod in place for most of the workshop. Not only did they get to listen to sounds of their choosing but people did not approach them for idle conversation. It was as if they created a bubble for themselves within the very active environment. In addition they painted through the lunch break while the rest of us were gathered at a group table for more chat. When it came time for demos or critiques they were fully present and contributing. They were very intentional about managing their energy and yet engaging enough to be social.
This third example models being aware of your needs and taking responsibilty for having these met in a way that does not take away from the experience for themself or others. While I think that an ipod is a brilliant idea, it is for each person to assess the situation and have a plan for coping in the best way possibility. It is not necessarily about the mechanism – Intentionality is key.
FYI – here a clip of my class
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by Sandy | Jul 10, 2018 | Best Practices, MBTI Facts
Over a period of an hour this week I watched a parent interact with their young child. I don’t know the adults MBTI type but what I observed would lead me to believe that they had preferences for Thinking and Judging. What I do know is that they spoke in an even unemotional manner, efficient with their language and got straight to the point. Their child was like champagne bubbling over effervescent and enthusiastic… non-stop questions and requests plus dancing, jumping and twirling. Many times in the hour the adult said NO to the child. NO you can’t do that. NO I won’t do that with you. NO… STOP… DON”T.
On the one hand I appreciated that they were being a good parent by setting out clear boundaries. What it also did raise for me is a couple of questions. What happens when a parent and child are personality opposites and there is more to the picture than simply guiding appropriate behaviour? The parent has the power and authority in this relationship so they could potentially stifle or thwart their child due to a lack of appreciation of differences. Something that an individual might take care to adjust to on a work team might simply be trumped in a family dynamic. MY HOUSE … MY RULES. I have been guilty of that many times over.
I think that it is worthy of some thought… giving family members the same respect and latitude as we would a colleague and appreciating their perspective would go a long way to creating harmony, self esteem and developing personal responsibility and mutual appreciation.
It is also never to late to start. I remember a discussion between 50 year old and their 80 mother. These two were opposites in many respects- an INTJ son and ESFP mother. They had never contemplated personality type differences previous to this conversation. It was an amazing moment when this lovely caring woman grasped how she may have impacted her (now very accomplished adult) son. Giving him more space to be quiet and by himself in their visits together at the family cottage suddenly became something that she understood and not something to take personally.
