It is so common for people to assume that having Judging as a preference has something to do with being judgmental that it is mentioned in the manual.
On page 27 of the third edition of “A Guide to the Development and Use of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator” it says,
People new to the MBTI erroneously assume that Judging types are necessarily judgmental.
Judging is one of two ways that people prefer to interact with the world. People who prefer Judging like a planned and organized approach to life and prefer to have things decided.
That’s it.
Judging is about an orientation to the world that prefers to have closure…having things decided. That’s what this term means. There are some implications and you can read more about some of the characteristics here. Being judgmental is not one of the characteristics in the list of typical behaviours for this “attitude” or orientation.
Two of my BEST friends told me in unison last weekend with heads nodding (but in the most loving way, of course) that I am judgmental and I am an ENFP… a very clear Perceiver. (BTW everyone needs good friends to keep them on the right path, and I admit that there is room for improvement)… But I won’t tackle being judgmental by judging myself harshly. That is a recipe for creating an even bigger ball of judgmental wax.
Last year ACCEPTANCE was my theme for the year. I even painted it. Being judgmental is a waste of time IMHO…whether it is directed outwardly toward others or inwardly toward yourself. Rather than judging myself for it I am working on accepting it and consequently letting the grip of being judgmental ease.
The longer version Read on if you would like a little theory with your short story
Judging and Perceiving are the final preference pair of the four pairs of preferences that make up the MBTI type code. This pair refer to a person’s orientation to the world. Some people habitually prefer to use judgment. These people move very quickly through their preferred function for taking in information (Sensing or Intuition) to come to closure by making a decision. They prefer to make decisions based on either Judging function of Thinking or Feeling.
Those with a preference for Perceiving tend to be oriented toward taking in information either by Sensing or Intuition and they defer making a decision (aka Judging). People with a preference for Perceiving do not want to miss anything that may be important.
In the workplace there can be considerable tension between these two ways of dealing with the world without adding the burden of being judgmental. Perhaps managing expectations and developing healthy strategies to get the job done might be a better way to spend time.
Words are often laden with baggage and assumptions that fall far from the original usage of the word. Now multiply that by X when a particular discipline assigns a definition that is precise and possibly outside of the day to day meaning of the word.
What is Feeling anyway?
Yesterday I was talking to a man with a preference for Thinking and a woman with a preference for Feeling. A couple of misconceptions surfaced during our conversation. The first is that men have a Thinking preference and that women are the ones with a Feeling preference. The short answer to that assumption is NOT TRUE. I will save my longer answer for another post.
The second thing that I became aware of is how easily we slipped into talking about an emotional reaction that someone had to a specific situation and equating that to the preference for Feeling.
In the MBTI, Feeling is one of two ways of making decisions. People with a preference for Feeling base their decisions primarily on values and on subjective evaluation of person-centered concerns. On the other hand, those with a preference for Thinking base their decisions on logic and objective analysis of cause and effect. Both are valuable ways of making a decision. Period. One is not better than the other and the best decisions reflect both functions. You can read more about the characteristics of these two function preferences here.
Thinkers have feelings and vice-versa
It seems easy to slip from the purity of the definition to include other things that the word itself suggests. When we are talking about Feeling in the context of MBTI it refers solely to making decisions. It does not refer to how we react to events in an emotional manner. When we are talking about “having feelings” both thinkers and feelers feel. Feeling is indeed a rational function. Making decisions based on values requires applying the laws of reason. Those with a preference for Feeling can also be rational, logical and analytical.
Believe me when I say that, as a person with a preference for Feeling, I can also have a strong negative reaction to inappropriate displays of emotion – especially when someone appears “needy”. This isn’t something reserved for those with a Thinking preference. Emoting and affect simply isn’t what Feeling refers to in an MBTI context. I have also experience genuine compassion, care and understanding from Thinking types… more so at times than I could ever offer.
Check your interpretations at the door
These interpretations happen all the time not just with the Myers Briggs. Becoming aware of the assumptions that we are operating under is an ongoing journey. Please don’t confuse being “emotional” or being “needy” with having a preference for Feeling. It helps to go back to the definition as used in the context of the Myers Briggs and not muddy the waters.
Here’s a wee story. This one happened to occur in a pottery class.
There is a local storefront that has a display of hand built and thrown pottery tempting people to wander in to see and touch. Once inside you notice that just behind the display is a working studio with people hunched over a lump of clay trying to get it centered directly in the middle so the creating of bowls and cups and other treasures could begin.
There is something primal about clay. Just getting your hands into the mud and water allows you to go to another place that takes you away from the clutter of your mind. Indeed you need to be able to let go and center yourself before you can hope to center clay on the potter’s wheel.
A friend was telling me about seeing this scenario and signing up for classes hoping to partake in this engrossing creative environment. Unfortunately someone with a preference for Extraversion who also happened to be asleep to her behaviour and its impact on others also signed up. She was loud and chatty. She simply saw silence as a void to be filled and kept a loud stream of noise going throughout the class.
Now it is easy to see how Extraverts can be disruptive. I am sure that many polite people in the class wanted to scream “BE QUIET!” However any behaviour taken to the extreme or inappropriate to the circumstances can have a negative impact on others. I have also met people who complain about living with those who don’t talk, those who over-analyze, those who are impulsive and on it goes.
We create our own reality.
I have heard that phrase many times from teachers, and have embraced the idea behind these words. What I pay attention to becomes what is real for me. I suppose the trick is to recognize the implications of my filtering system and to recognize that there is so much to pay attention to that multiple realities are possible and quite possibly equally valid to my own.
Developing the capacity to observe ourselves and increase our awareness of the context in which we are operating – well what can I say – it is the ideal answer. Now the trick is to get everyone else to buy in so that we can all make our pots in a an environment where centering is easy.
Managing inventory key to retail
In retail, managing inventory is a critical part of bottom line success. My husband is a retailer, son of a retailer, brother to a retailer and uncle to retailers so you see this concept is the same as breathing in our family.
What defines inventory?
My work falls a little outside this retail realm. As well as doing leadership development coaching I paint and a few years ago I was a partner in a gallery in Toronto’s Historic Distillery District. So I have to admit that I find it a challenge to think of my paintings as inventory.
Get real then get creative
I had a rude awakening one day when I was actually having trouble getting to my laundry room because paintings were stacked three deep on both sides of the basement hallway. My patient retailer husband suggested a yard sale. Before I almost had a hemorrhage at that cheeky idea, I did have a creative thought and entered the local annual art tour the last weekend in November and put most of my paintings in a silent auction. My final tally showed that I sold 44 of the 74 paintings that I hung in the show.
Win / win
Some of these pieces went for not much more than the cost of materials which could have been a heart breaker until I looked at who bought. Some of my friends’ kids who are going out on their own now have paintings rather than posters. Others who were feeling the current economic pinch were thrilled to actually find something they could afford. Best of all I have freed up tons of creative energy and some cash to buy supplies.
A personal lesson for the future
As an ENFP who makes decisions based on values and whether an action lines up for me in my inner world this was initially a tough call. My inner dialogue was telling me that I had worked hard to build my reputation and that it had taken me years to get my prices to a certain level. How could I go back to prices that I charges 15 years ago? I was also telling myself that the art world had different (special?) rules that certainly didn’t involve the word “inventory”. We are talking beauty, mystery ….art not merchandise.
Freedom
Giving myself permission to get over myself and have some fun ended with a great result. Not only is inventory management good for the bottom –line, clearing old work was good for releasing creativity. It feels like freedom.
Seth Godin, author of Linchpin and my blog of choice each day talks about the limitations imposed by the fear originating in what he calls our lizard brain.
“The lizard is a physical part of your brain, the pre-historic lump near the brain stem that is responsible for fear and rage and reproductive drive.”
This fear shows up as resistance that infects the voice in our head we listen to telling us “to go slow, be careful, not to risk, not to try, not to rock the boat, not to stand out etc. etc,)
There is a distinction I would like to add to Seth’s wisdom that comes from understanding the instinctual subtypes of the Enneagram. In other words we are not all created equal in our motivation in this area. We are driven by needs for intimacy, for social needs and for security, safety and self care or self preservation needs. BUT we do not have these in the same intensity or priority. You can watch the clip of Enneagram author Helen Palmer above http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D86IVsoiqTE
If you recognize that self preservation or security needs are highly important to you, you need to factor that into how you decide what to listen to. These needs are not going to go away nor can you simply dismiss them. However, it seems to me that people with strong security needs often pay a price that they don’t acknowledge consciously. They will stay in a relationship or difficult work situation long past the time to take action because the familiar discomfort of the current conditions seems less painful than the discomfort of the what is unknown and insecure.
Avoiding is not a strategy or plan that works long term. Don’t wait for a crisis in order to make a plan of action. You can make a plan that is rational and well considered and respectful of who you are as a person. Sacrificing your power by relinquishing the steering wheel for the illusion of safety is anything but safe.
